There! I feel donefor!

okay, so today's entery will be in engligh due to the fact that my brain is set on english and I'm nog in the mood for changing that.

The theme is : THE SUCKYNESS OF (ex)BOYFRIENDS!!

if you do not like rambeling and rage, please skip this. I don't want flamers, I'll kick your virtual ass, and I'd like anyone who is just gonna pity me because they can, to get out.

the thing is, as you all know, I am deeply and truly in love with David.
I left him in Costa Rica 2 weeks ago, and I it's been the biggest mistake of my life.
ever since then. all smiles, all laughs has felt wrong. I don't really feel like eating, but I do so just so people won't worry and ask what's wrong.

the tiny bit of selfesteem he managed to build in me, is now compleatly gone and donefor.

I focus on school as much as I possible can (aka I spend double time doing HW and other school related business). and when I try to sleep I can't help but to cuddle my old plushie, thinking how mad I was when he said he looked like a sheep instead of the dog he is. now I can't help but smile and cry.

I'm so happy that we were together, but now I haven't heard from him in forever, he hasn't called me at all exept for the first day, and if we talked, it was me who called, used my money or in other way made an effort to keep what's now just defined as "friendship" alive.
I can't stand this, and I am truly sad that he has no intentions of trying to be aware of my feelings instead of just focusing on what his psykologist says.

I would like to move on, but I don't ever want to forget him. ever.

I was ready to give everything. I did.